triggers

triggers are the thing that all people with BPD know very well. Triggers are the things that set our episodes in motion.

I've been having them quite a bit lately. Perhaps it's boredom, perhaps it's a depressive state, loneliness, or something else. 

One major trigger is that I may be in danger of losing my job now because I may have responded angrily to the wrong person. And nobody at work will care or view a mental disorder as a legitimate reason. They will not understand that as much as I try, I cannot control my emotions 100% of the time.

I am deeply concerned by this because without this job,  my trip to Vancouver will not happen, I will not be able to continue going to school, or start attending Animation Mentor. It almost feels as though everything I have worked for in the past 2 and half years will have just been a waste.

The other part that is bothering me is that I have been avoiding my friends during this episode or episodes.
So do I talk to anyone about what is going on with me. No. But when I am ready to talk, they are not around to talk which just triggers another episode. It is a vicious cycle. And I hate it. I really wish that I did not have to live with this sometimes. 

Pictures truly speak louder than words

So I'm sure just about everyone who keep up with current events is aware of the riots that took place in Vancouver a couple weeks ago.  Now out of those riots came something really great. When humanity shows it's ugly side, there is always something to shows just a tiny little bit of light in the dark things we are capable of doing.  And it is this. One of the best photographs ever taken.

A man comforting his girlfriend with a kiss after she was knocked down and injured by the riot police. Everyone knows the story by now, I'm sure. But I can't get over just how wonderful this picture is and what it shows. This is a photo that will surely be one for the history books and perhaps even more interesting is that the photographer snapped the photo by accident while being pushed back by riot police. I call that providence if there ever is such a thing.

So here it is. What is certainly going to be one of my favorite photographs ever.

A split second of compassion happening during absolute chaos.

Learning more....

So yeah in my pursuit of becoming a student of Animation Mentor, I have been doing research into the school and have come across some pretty cool things.

One of them is this. A blog written by an AM student who also lives in Indiana. In the blog, he describes in some detail each of the assignments he has done with AM so far in his studies and my only thought is why don't universities teach these and hand out these kinds of assignments in their animation programs.

Though I am not an AM student yet, I have been looking at the work this guy has done with AM and thought to myself there is no reason why I have to be an AM student to do these assignments on my own and improve my skills. Which is exactly what I am doing. It also helps me to serve as a guide to know what to expect when I am an AM student. Now some may argue that finding a blog that states all the AM assignments is a cheat, but I rather view it as a heads up since no one animator is the same.

Now clearly I do not have the rigs this guy has since they are exclusive to AM students only, but I have several rigs that are just as good and flexible to do what this guy has been doing.

This blog is a huge inspiration and it coupled with several of the things Animation Mentor has sent me has already helped to improve my skills as an animator and given me more confidence which admittedly is something that I lack from time to time.

And since I feel no artist or animator should be left out of the things I learn, here is the link to the blog.

http://chaseshields.blogspot.com/

Hopefully it is as inspiring and helpful to others as it is to me.

On another note, I downloaded the tween machine plugin for Maya and I can't imagine how I have gone without it for so long. It's freaking awesome.

So, on that note. Expect to see more and better things from me in the not so distant future.

Now on to animating!! :-)

horses... yay!

Yep, I like to animate quadrupeds now. I initially hated it but it's actually a lot of fun once I got the hang of it.

Dinosaurs!!!!!

Okay, so yeah I'm making an attempt to start animating something other than bipeds. I really want to explore everything I can to animate and found some great rigs ranging from horses to tigers and demon type beasts with wings, but the ones I'm having the most fun with are dinosaurs. Growing up, I loved dinosaurs and I remember the first time I ever saw Jurassic Park when I was just young kid and how my eyes lit up when the dinosaurs first came on screen. It was like being a kid in the candy store.

And now here I am beginning to animate a dinosaur. Since I have had no formal training of any kind in animating creatures, I am starting off slow and just creating some strong poses for the time being before I really start animating them but this is what I just did with one of the rigs.   :-)