So yeah, I've been a bit post happy lately so this will be the last for a while but when I find something as cool as this, I have to show it somehow. So, anyone who knows me knows Tool is my favorite band of all time and Adam Jones (guitarist) is a major inspiration to me as an animator. Tool's videos have never featured any of the band members and have always been done with animation of some kind with the exception of one. I stumbled across this and thought it was incredible. Though not done by Tool but a devoted fan, it is damn good!!!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Blood, sweat, and tears
So, animation has to be by far the funnest profession anyone could ever choose. But ultimately at the end of the day that fun comes from a natural love towards what animators do and we may in fact be a truly under appreciated lot. The truth about animators is that we rarely sleep (at least the serious ones don't). One of my mentors in animation once told me that the ones who truly love it are the ones up at 4 am and when asked what they are doing, they simply respond working on my animation. It's quite true. One of the many inspirations I have is John Lasseter who everyone should know (animator or not) once slept under his desk for an hour each night while working on a project for Disney. The story goes that his car didn't leave the lot for 2 weeks. This is the dedication great animators have for what they do. As much fun as it is, there is a lot of blood, sweat, and tears involved. It takes extreme patience, lots of sleepless nights, and you HAVE to love it. There are times when we animators want to pull our hair out because we just can't get that arm to go in the right place or that hand to slap down the right way but we keep at it until we get it right. And there will always be someone higher up in the pipeline that will want you to change what you have done and redo days of work. This is in short the life of the animator, and I for one would not want it any other way. So if anyone out there should stumble across this, take a good long look at this photo and see what goes into being a computer animator. This is the graph editor and what computer animation really looks like. All those movements, walks, talks, jumps, bounces, this is it right here.
We do this because we love it, but what we do also gives everyone else joy and happiness. We are the unsung heroes. We are the ones behind the scenes creating the magic. So, the next time anyone out there sits down to watch an animated short or feature, take the time out to appreciate all the hard work, the blood, sweat and tears that goes into those films you love.
We do this because we love it, but what we do also gives everyone else joy and happiness. We are the unsung heroes. We are the ones behind the scenes creating the magic. So, the next time anyone out there sits down to watch an animated short or feature, take the time out to appreciate all the hard work, the blood, sweat and tears that goes into those films you love.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Hylians know how to party
So for all you Goron, Zora and Hylian lovers out there, more Zelda goodness is happening all about the land of Hyrule. There is much awesome artwork on the interwebs and many goodies to be found. Here I will share some of my own artwork that I did for my fave game series. This could be truly classified as a labor of love as it took hours upon hours upon days upon weeks. All the work was solely done by me from the modeling to the textures to the lighting and it took an eternity to render. Working out a rig just to make her ponytails move was a challenge in of itself. The biggest downside is that all the work and models were lost in what I call the great computer crash of 2010 and would have to be rebuilt. So here is my tribute to The Legend of Zelda and a dedication to the most beautiful princess in all of Hyrule (don't be hatin Midna lovers) and can still kick ass right along side our green pointy hatted hero.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Travel back in time Zelda style
Yeah, so in honor of the anniversary of the best damned game series ever to grace the world I post this. An orchestrated version of the final boss music that played in OoT. Only the most epic battle of any Zelda game to this point. Time for a trip down memory lane. So I'm playing the game in my usual relaxed style, running around like a crazy Hylian all over Hyrule, gathering up rupees, smashing pots, kicking some major scary monster ass and I finally reach Ganon's tower. I'm thinking this is it. The culmination of hours of gameplay and here I am, at last. I get through the tower, save Zelda, finish off Ganondorf (or so I thought) and escape with all body parts intact. Then as Zelda and Link are about to make with the celebration of a battle well fought, the distant rumble occurs in what remains of the tower. I go to check it out and out pops Ganondorf who unleashes all his power and turns into the most frightening incarnation of his pig like form EVER!!! And naturally the music is cued as Ganondorf transfigures himself into the damned scary Ganon. At that moment I went from relaxed and chill, to Ah shit, I'm bout to get my ass kicked!! What made this fight so eerily creepy was the music, the atmosphere, and that big damn boar looking thing trying to make Link into meat pie! I'd be lying if seriously didn't consider dropping the controller and running for the hills. So, here it is, the creepiest piece of music to the creepiest boss battle in all of Zelda history. It still sends chills up my spine.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Life on the border
I am going to do something I usually don't do and get personal. This past week has been pretty damned rough to get through and to the outsider looking in, what they see is a happy person standing in front of them. What they don't know is this is a lie. To even type what I am about to type is difficult to do because I all want to do is hide it from the world. It will in fact take several minutes before I even type it as I'll sit and contemplate whether or not to actually type the words. Which is part of the problem.
What many people don't know about me is that I am a person diagnosed with what clinicians call borderline personality disorder. Some of my closest friends who are in fact few and far between and sometimes to me don't exist at all don't know. To the ones that do know, the response when I tell them is generally the same. They always look at me and say "well, that explains a lot" as though they somehow can understand. The truth of the matter is they can't understand. The even more truth of the matter is that people who don't have it can never understand just how deep it goes. I don't even fully understand it and I live with it everyday. I constantly struggle with who I am and something always triggers an episode. The episodes can range from anything to feelings of extreme anger to severe depression to loneliness and emptiness. Where I get really truthful and something that only a very few select are aware of is that I have seen a padded cell from the inside.
One of the most common traits of a borderline are the mood shifts that happen suddenly and without reason except in the mind of the borderline, which are very often imagined. The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) lists 9 criterion which are used to diagnose Borderline Personality Disorder which I'll put below.
1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5. 2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5
5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. chronic feelings of emptiness
8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
Now the thing about BPD is that it covers such a broad range that it is diagnosed more often than it should be with a patient only having 6 or sometimes very few of the criterion. I was diagnosed with BPD after meeting all 9 of the criterion for the diagnosis. This diagnosis was not handed out easily as many psychologists like to avoid it due to it's broad range. The diagnosis was only given after checking my personal, family, and relationship history as well. My psychologist certainly was not going on just the criterion and would at times intentionally set up triggers for an episode to further help with the diagnosis. A borderline sees things only in black and white with no gray area of any kind. To a borderline, someone is either all good or all bad. In other words, a borderline either hates or loves someone, there is no in between, and these feelings are far more intense than that of a "normal person" My psychologist would often do either good or bad things or more truthfully what I perceived as good or bad to trigger this emotional response. For instance, during my stay in the "hospital" he told me I would be allowed to leave the next day and when the next day came, he did not let me leave. He did this purposefully to test my emotional range. The day he said I could leave I praised him to everyone, the following day when he said I couldn't, I expressed my anger and subsequent hatred of him outwardly. I mention this not only to show the steps taken for the diagnosis but also because this is an example of what life is like for a borderline. It doesn't stop. Ever. Meds don't help, at least in my case. It's a struggle everyday and I have to deal with it everyday. I have to force myself out of bed and have continually have to find a reason to go on.
Borderlines could be described as the perfect people to represent the "self-fulfilling prophecy". We fear abandonment, and will do anything to prevent it from happening. Our attempts to prevent it are generally the cause of the abandonment, either real or imaginary. Or any some cases, we abandon people before the can abandon us. As stated at the start, I have been having a rough week and suffered a few episodes, I've lashed out at coworkers for no reason, avoided my friends, ignored many of them, and this worst part of it all is that I can't even begin to attempt to explain why. The biggest thing that gets me as well is that I struggle to understand all of this, but at the same time want someone else to understand as well. This is the real struggle.
I also do this so that perhaps others who are dealing with what I deal with everyday or who have friends who are dealing with it, this will help them to understand it better. At the very least, watch this video. It certainly deeply effects me and in someway helps.
What many people don't know about me is that I am a person diagnosed with what clinicians call borderline personality disorder. Some of my closest friends who are in fact few and far between and sometimes to me don't exist at all don't know. To the ones that do know, the response when I tell them is generally the same. They always look at me and say "well, that explains a lot" as though they somehow can understand. The truth of the matter is they can't understand. The even more truth of the matter is that people who don't have it can never understand just how deep it goes. I don't even fully understand it and I live with it everyday. I constantly struggle with who I am and something always triggers an episode. The episodes can range from anything to feelings of extreme anger to severe depression to loneliness and emptiness. Where I get really truthful and something that only a very few select are aware of is that I have seen a padded cell from the inside.
One of the most common traits of a borderline are the mood shifts that happen suddenly and without reason except in the mind of the borderline, which are very often imagined. The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) lists 9 criterion which are used to diagnose Borderline Personality Disorder which I'll put below.
1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5. 2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5
5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. chronic feelings of emptiness
8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
Now the thing about BPD is that it covers such a broad range that it is diagnosed more often than it should be with a patient only having 6 or sometimes very few of the criterion. I was diagnosed with BPD after meeting all 9 of the criterion for the diagnosis. This diagnosis was not handed out easily as many psychologists like to avoid it due to it's broad range. The diagnosis was only given after checking my personal, family, and relationship history as well. My psychologist certainly was not going on just the criterion and would at times intentionally set up triggers for an episode to further help with the diagnosis. A borderline sees things only in black and white with no gray area of any kind. To a borderline, someone is either all good or all bad. In other words, a borderline either hates or loves someone, there is no in between, and these feelings are far more intense than that of a "normal person" My psychologist would often do either good or bad things or more truthfully what I perceived as good or bad to trigger this emotional response. For instance, during my stay in the "hospital" he told me I would be allowed to leave the next day and when the next day came, he did not let me leave. He did this purposefully to test my emotional range. The day he said I could leave I praised him to everyone, the following day when he said I couldn't, I expressed my anger and subsequent hatred of him outwardly. I mention this not only to show the steps taken for the diagnosis but also because this is an example of what life is like for a borderline. It doesn't stop. Ever. Meds don't help, at least in my case. It's a struggle everyday and I have to deal with it everyday. I have to force myself out of bed and have continually have to find a reason to go on.
Borderlines could be described as the perfect people to represent the "self-fulfilling prophecy". We fear abandonment, and will do anything to prevent it from happening. Our attempts to prevent it are generally the cause of the abandonment, either real or imaginary. Or any some cases, we abandon people before the can abandon us. As stated at the start, I have been having a rough week and suffered a few episodes, I've lashed out at coworkers for no reason, avoided my friends, ignored many of them, and this worst part of it all is that I can't even begin to attempt to explain why. The biggest thing that gets me as well is that I struggle to understand all of this, but at the same time want someone else to understand as well. This is the real struggle.
I also do this so that perhaps others who are dealing with what I deal with everyday or who have friends who are dealing with it, this will help them to understand it better. At the very least, watch this video. It certainly deeply effects me and in someway helps.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Vulnerable... but it's alright
Yeah, so I swore I wouldn't post anything about Valentine's Day. I generally as a rule of thumb dislike it with a fervor and not for the reasons most people would assume. I generally dislike it because the nature of what it represents to the male population. I would wager large sums of money that 90% of the male population view as the one day of the year that they have do something for their significant others. Where as I tend to look at it as what is wrong with the other 364 days of the year?
Now that is out of the way. A rundown of the day's events. I went to work. worked worked and worked some more. Which is really just the short of it all. ******************************************
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The consistent string of stars is a representation of something I started typing, realized I was getting more personal for my liking and put the stars there to just remind myself of what I was typing.
So let's get on with things that due to what day it was besides anything involving other people. What do I love? I love animation. I love talking about with people who have no idea what I'm talking about. When a person starts throwing around terms like graph editor, tangents, splines, rigs, and Inverse Kinematics and when the response is "you may as well be speaking another language" is always priceless. I can't even begin to smile about the number of times I discuss the 12 principles of animation with someone and I get a look like I'm crazy.
I do admit that it would be really nice to have a conversation with another animator from time to time, but alas such is life.
I would double bounce walk my way to the next topic except I don't have one.... Oh wait, yes I do. My new Wacom tablet will be delivered soon. My own V-day gift to myself. Upgrade from the Bamboo to the Intuos 4. Can't wait to get it. Less than 14 hours. So now on to other things as there is animating to be done!!
Oh and I am now possibly completely free from wisdom teeth pain. The impacted tooth has broken entirely through the old one shattering it to nothing and it's possible the nerve may have died from the numerous infections and exposure. I'm still considering having them removed but as it stands now I have a choice, either have them removed or go to SIGGRAPH this year. Can't afford both. I choose SIGGRAPH. Also on other health news, I'm going to really attempt to treat my tmj disorder. I've been through the process before and all the treatment options. The treatment options all include facial exercises to correct the positioning of the joint and yoga to stretch the muscles in the rest of the body that are effected by the joint. This would be helpful as the constant back pain would be nice to at least get a bit of relief from. Also the stabbing sharp muscle spasms would be nice to eliminate. There is also getting the 5000 dollar custom mouth guard to realign the joints to the proper position which I would still have to wear for the rest of my life. At least while I sleep anyway. Who really ever would have thought that such a small joint/disc in the jaw could be so troublesome. So I'll see how that goes and if stick to any exercises I should do. The mouth guard thing not really feasible at this point financially.
So now a little song I like that is really sweet love song when you think about it!!
Now that is out of the way. A rundown of the day's events. I went to work. worked worked and worked some more. Which is really just the short of it all. ******************************************
*******************************************************************************
*******************************************************************************
*******************************************************************************
The consistent string of stars is a representation of something I started typing, realized I was getting more personal for my liking and put the stars there to just remind myself of what I was typing.
So let's get on with things that due to what day it was besides anything involving other people. What do I love? I love animation. I love talking about with people who have no idea what I'm talking about. When a person starts throwing around terms like graph editor, tangents, splines, rigs, and Inverse Kinematics and when the response is "you may as well be speaking another language" is always priceless. I can't even begin to smile about the number of times I discuss the 12 principles of animation with someone and I get a look like I'm crazy.
I do admit that it would be really nice to have a conversation with another animator from time to time, but alas such is life.
I would double bounce walk my way to the next topic except I don't have one.... Oh wait, yes I do. My new Wacom tablet will be delivered soon. My own V-day gift to myself. Upgrade from the Bamboo to the Intuos 4. Can't wait to get it. Less than 14 hours. So now on to other things as there is animating to be done!!
Oh and I am now possibly completely free from wisdom teeth pain. The impacted tooth has broken entirely through the old one shattering it to nothing and it's possible the nerve may have died from the numerous infections and exposure. I'm still considering having them removed but as it stands now I have a choice, either have them removed or go to SIGGRAPH this year. Can't afford both. I choose SIGGRAPH. Also on other health news, I'm going to really attempt to treat my tmj disorder. I've been through the process before and all the treatment options. The treatment options all include facial exercises to correct the positioning of the joint and yoga to stretch the muscles in the rest of the body that are effected by the joint. This would be helpful as the constant back pain would be nice to at least get a bit of relief from. Also the stabbing sharp muscle spasms would be nice to eliminate. There is also getting the 5000 dollar custom mouth guard to realign the joints to the proper position which I would still have to wear for the rest of my life. At least while I sleep anyway. Who really ever would have thought that such a small joint/disc in the jaw could be so troublesome. So I'll see how that goes and if stick to any exercises I should do. The mouth guard thing not really feasible at this point financially.
So now a little song I like that is really sweet love song when you think about it!!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Yay for schol starting again... and the icy fun
So the next semester started and I'm already enjoying it. I was seriously going through brain drain during the month off. First up. Character Animation 1. I love and will continue to love this class. Two years of learning modeling and dealing with rigid characters and very basic rigging set ups and I'm finally getting to the meat and potatoes of learning animation. All I have to say is yippee. The first assignment was animating bouncing balls. My first thought was 'whoa, wait a minute, I want to animate characters'. But I fully understand the reason for the assignment and it was quite a bit of fun. Really who would have thought making balls bounce would be fun. Next assignment is animating two nurbs primitives and having them interact and give them personality. I think this assignment is going to be lots of fun.
Then there is Fundamentals of Texturing and Lighting. I am going to enjoy this class as well. I find texturing models to be very enjoyable except for that whole UV mapping part, but oh well. Why will I like this class? because I am going to do something I have not done before and that is photograph my own textures. Until now, I have just used images found on the interwebs and worked with them in Photoshop.
Next up, Perpesctive. Now I will say that these Foundations classes are often a pain in the ass. I don't like taking them, I want nothing to do with them and the work load is usually 3 times that of the other classes. This one is no different, except that I think I will actually enjoy this class. Oh and it's the last one I have to take!! But also more so, this class feels much less arbitrary than the others. Why? Because I actually feel like it has something to do with my major. During the class, we will get to draw real storyboards, comic books, illustrations and environments in various perspectives. Pretty much most of the things needed to pitch a film idea with the exception of a treatment and a script, I already had that class. Cinematic Storytelling. Which taught me how to be DP, how to direct, edit, oh and write scripts.
Now onto the Ice storm that caused havoc for a large portion of the country. I would like to say how much of the country, but I honestly don't know. I just know it was a good heaping spoonful that's for sure. Really all I kept thinking was don't let there be a power outage. I'm the type of person who doesn't turn my computer off in lightning storms. I've even played my guitar in lightning storms. I come from a family of crazy ass storm chasers who drive towards tornadoes while everyone else is getting to safety so let's just say scary weather doesn't really bother me much. But I was really worried that the power would go out. I just kept thinking while I'm at my computer with Maya running and animating something, this is when the power will be lost along with any work I was doing. Thankfully, it didn't happen. So here's to the ice storm of 2011, starting school again, animation, and to having no social life (if I ever had one anyway) for the next few months. Cheers!
and yes this whole thing pretty much is me talking to myself. lol
Then there is Fundamentals of Texturing and Lighting. I am going to enjoy this class as well. I find texturing models to be very enjoyable except for that whole UV mapping part, but oh well. Why will I like this class? because I am going to do something I have not done before and that is photograph my own textures. Until now, I have just used images found on the interwebs and worked with them in Photoshop.
Next up, Perpesctive. Now I will say that these Foundations classes are often a pain in the ass. I don't like taking them, I want nothing to do with them and the work load is usually 3 times that of the other classes. This one is no different, except that I think I will actually enjoy this class. Oh and it's the last one I have to take!! But also more so, this class feels much less arbitrary than the others. Why? Because I actually feel like it has something to do with my major. During the class, we will get to draw real storyboards, comic books, illustrations and environments in various perspectives. Pretty much most of the things needed to pitch a film idea with the exception of a treatment and a script, I already had that class. Cinematic Storytelling. Which taught me how to be DP, how to direct, edit, oh and write scripts.
Now onto the Ice storm that caused havoc for a large portion of the country. I would like to say how much of the country, but I honestly don't know. I just know it was a good heaping spoonful that's for sure. Really all I kept thinking was don't let there be a power outage. I'm the type of person who doesn't turn my computer off in lightning storms. I've even played my guitar in lightning storms. I come from a family of crazy ass storm chasers who drive towards tornadoes while everyone else is getting to safety so let's just say scary weather doesn't really bother me much. But I was really worried that the power would go out. I just kept thinking while I'm at my computer with Maya running and animating something, this is when the power will be lost along with any work I was doing. Thankfully, it didn't happen. So here's to the ice storm of 2011, starting school again, animation, and to having no social life (if I ever had one anyway) for the next few months. Cheers!
and yes this whole thing pretty much is me talking to myself. lol
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