triggers are the thing that all people with BPD know very well. Triggers are the things that set our episodes in motion.
I've been having them quite a bit lately. Perhaps it's boredom, perhaps it's a depressive state, loneliness, or something else.
One major trigger is that I may be in danger of losing my job now because I may have responded angrily to the wrong person. And nobody at work will care or view a mental disorder as a legitimate reason. They will not understand that as much as I try, I cannot control my emotions 100% of the time.
I am deeply concerned by this because without this job, my trip to Vancouver will not happen, I will not be able to continue going to school, or start attending Animation Mentor. It almost feels as though everything I have worked for in the past 2 and half years will have just been a waste.
The other part that is bothering me is that I have been avoiding my friends during this episode or episodes.
So do I talk to anyone about what is going on with me. No. But when I am ready to talk, they are not around to talk which just triggers another episode. It is a vicious cycle. And I hate it. I really wish that I did not have to live with this sometimes.
Hold on tight, my friend! I'm sorry if this is soooo annoying, but have you tried meditation, and present moment awareness? My favorite books on the topic are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Loving What Is by Byron Katie.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you struggle with this, I can't imagine what it must feel like! Hold on hold on hold on my friend, and always have faith that you will find relief some day!
Oh no, it's not annoying by any means.
ReplyDeleteSomeone who is helpful is actually nice to have.
On some level, you can probably imagine better than most people with how you deal with your own struggles that not everyone can fully understand. :-)
I was told to try Yoga, but I don't know if that counts as meditation. I've never heard of present moment awareness.
I will have to check out those books. Other methods of help are certainly something I'm interested in.
Meds never worked for me with the combo's that have all been tried only exacerbate the symptoms.
Thank you Jenny!!